I have been in the blanket of jade for the past couple of days. Yes, that's what I am quoting to convince myself to adapt to the vibe, to just let things be, to push a little harder, to just make things right - when in reality, nothing is.

The question is, was it ever?

Now that I think It was, I had fun, I was having fun up until recently, I am not having fun now, it's beginning to crawl on my nerves now, it's starting to hang on my frail stem of mental sanity.

The question I carved my answer to, after falling in the dirty pit, I got my answer to -

Why should you not fall in love during your teenage years?

Here are the reasons why!

Before actually beginning to tour around the solutions lets do this short and crisp case study. I am the subject today. I am doing the retrospection and examination of my former choices.

So, Being a teenager and falling in love is a cliche, more so a desire, an equitable and reasonable action to do - where everyone is failing to investigate beyond the conspicuous actions, we covet someone who would decipher the obscure, who would nod with us, who would touch us to plant the pecks of assurance all over our barren skin, who would be skilled enough to uplift us when others are betting on our fall. You feel miserable. You feel lost, You feel misunderstood, you feel neglected, you feel jaded and you crave - Love.

Love doesn't necessarily have to vessel through the opposite sex, it can redeem you from your closed one, for anyone who is your exceptional. Simply put, You can get hooked to anyone who’s willing to love you, but when this love flows from an opposite sex, that too of the same age - Your hormones get the green light and they fire you with attraction, and that attraction is followed by a long chain of emotions, hopes, feelings, pain, euphoria and a heartbreak.

You put your vulnerability on display with that person, you get unclad, you get to a heart-to-heart, they listen to you, they nod, they do the dialogue in your language, they embrace you and make you feel sealed and loved and You fall. You fall hard. You nurture feelings, you dissect the beautiful side of yourself, you love them in return, you vow to be with them, you make a plethora of vows, you text them unconditionally, you become their alarm in the mornings and nights and they become yours. Life feels good, easy. You feel good, easy.

It all seems to be so surreal, so immaculate that you forget that good is forged with bad, to make you worship it. 

And sure enough, things began to change frequencies, first on a micro level but then they start to ride your mental sanity and you start to notice the red flags that were always there before your love diluted eyes. You notice them changing, you get inferiority complexes, they began ruling, you feel scared, you feel aloof, 

you began to hit the first level to the heartbreak - insularity. 

You reach the second step to the heartbreak - why did I love her/him?

You began to kiss the third step to the heartbreak - You began to assume and not confabulate, because confabulation seems tiresome to you, because it is.

Imagine you still needing to figure out how you’ll stand against this devil world, what you will be doing in college? How will you be managing a part time job besides your academics? How will you be mustering the confidence to speak to authoritative and novel people? And then, you figuring out what is your purpose, what propels you to your euphoria and You have panic attacks, you have dilemmas. Then having to sit down and talk to a person who has his/her shit load and is just not ready to listen to make peace. It is tiring.  

Confabulation with a half heart is tiring. 

Confabulation with confusion is tiring. 

Confabulation with unsurety and aversion is tiring.

How come this turned out the way it did ? It was so good in the beginning, it started with laughter and now it's ending with tears, why? What went so horribly wrong?

The answer is - Hormones.

You get swayed and enticed by them, that you peaked your hopes, your vows and your love for that person - you get in a relationship even before having one with your own self.

You can’t be in an actual relationship before having one with yourself.

And hence you caresse the pain.

When I was at the early stages of having to savour that ecstatic, honey flavor of having a boyfriend, I was singing this song -

And don't you worry

You’re pretty little mine

People throw rocks at the things that shine

And life makes love look hard

The stakes are high

The waters rough

But this love is ours

Now that I have gotten myself dirty in the puddle of Life and Love, the actual harsh Life, aside the fantasy and cheesy talks, I sing this -

Loving is hard,

It don't always work

You just try your best 

Not to get hurt

I used to be mad

But now I know

Sometimes it's better to let someone go.

The next genuine question is - Who is at fault here?

Honestly, No one. It's just we all are so volatile, so vulnerable, so frail that even a little beam of love lights our murky little world. It's just, both the teenagers are very much misunderstood, and they seek an escape - a fairy land where they are the hero's of their own story, a utopia where they just smile, just kiss, just cuddle, just love - but they forget the thriving part. Cherish your relationships, if you hold the charisma - water your relation but the moment the plant gets thornful, let it be and focus on self blooming.

Now, I am no sadist, I loved having and sharing my intimacy with the person I shared it with. But what I have released first hand is, when you get down on the road to life with a person, when you allow a person to combine with you hence, submerging your synergies - You must consciously agree to their flaws and shits too. This is a shitty world and the fact that you are the very owner to choose your shit is lovely! Put it to good use. Let's make it simple. You allow a person, you agree that the both of you will get through the storm together, you agree to be patient with the other one, you do the situations with finesse.

Relationships are no pieces of cake - they might sound fun but I am deflected more towards finding myself, rummaging more than what meets the eyes of people in me. Not that I hate relationships now, I do love them, just not all the time.

Over time I have grown to harmonies with the fact that people and love are a part of your life and not your life. They are phases, but what’s not is - You. You were, you are and you will be a constant. Love yourself as much as you do to your swain, but I don't see a point in hooking up before establishing. Don't fall in love with a person you wouldn’t marry, don't push your time to the place where you know you won’t stay. Get out with friends, explore, relish the adorable elements of life, slip pensive gestures. Live, Live Live. Thrive, Thrive, Thrive.

Where love is entwined by responsibilities, work, downfalls, faith, hard work, commitments and honesty. A teenager's messy mind who even falls short in comprehending his own self, will majorly fail to maintain a relationship. It requires a lot of your time, you put your time and energy with that person and even if you are sure about your emotions of love, what about them? What if they cheat on you? Or worse were using or plotting on you this whole time? Better, have faith - build yourself, work on your flaws and then fall for someone who is worthy to counter your opinionated self, who gives you things to ponder to, who teaches you without being snooty. We have all the time to scoop love, we can do it anytime, but getting to follow and kneel before the responsibilities is only claimed after self establishment, so How about getting established first?